The Targets - December 5, 2006

Now that does not look like a user friendly vagina.

Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton & Britney Spears Pantyless Montage - "Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton actually all ended up together partying last week and even ended up smiling and seemingly having a good time together. Of course that would all later end - as Paris dissed Lindsay, Britney ditched Paris and then the two blondes made up while Lohan checked out an AA meeting. Ah - a week in the life of young Hollywood." -- I apologize for adding to this already over talked about topcic.

3 BIMBOS OF THE APOCALYPSE - "THEY have already been dubbed "The Brit Pack": three girls, increasingly famous for making spectacularly bad choices, marshaling their collective brain power to navigate the booths and banquettes at Hyde or Spider Club or wherever it is they're drinking it off on any given night. Paris Hilton, her frenemy Lindsay Lohan, and newly separated Britney Spears: three party girls without a care (babies? what babies?), a high tolerance for alcohol, or a good publicist."

Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan in Witches of Eastwick - "Viacom chairman, Sumner Redstone, is expected to announce early next week that Viacom subsidiary Paramount Pictures has signed Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan to star in a remake of the 1987 comedy-thriller The Witches of Eastwick." -- Can't wait for this shit? Oh, yes you can.

Britney Spears tops Yahoo's searches - "Bereft of any new music to promote, Britney Spears was nevertheless the hottest thing on the Internet this year, judging from Yahoo's annual list of popular search terms." -- Which means the comet needs to hurry up!

New flash: Anna Nicole Smith is a mess. Again. And pregnant. Again. - ""I might be pregnant again...Did that just come out?" Yes, Anna. It did." -- Why is she "important"?

The Gym of the Soul - "Stallone spoke of being reborn in a teleconference with pastors and religious leaders concerning the faith elements of the unlikely sixth movie that's due out Dec. 22."

TV Land Lists 100 Greatest Catchphrases - "The TV Land cable network has compiled a list of the 100 greatest catchphrases in TV, from the serious — Walter Cronkite's nightly signoff "And that's the way it is" — to the silly: "We are two wild and crazy guys!" The network will air a countdown special, "The 100 Greatest TV Quotes & Catch Phrases," over five days starting Dec. 11."

'Heavy Metal's All-Time Top 100 Vocalists' - "We tried our best not to turn this into some sort of popularity contest where only the most famous (or infamous) frontmen in metal lore were recognized."

Top 5 Undeserving Rock and Roll Hall of Famers - "That’s because, for as much of a heavy metal cornerstone that the band and singer Ozzy Osbourne have become over the last 35 years, Sabbath was, to put it as bluntly as their music, terrible." -- Check out the other 4 on the list.

The 50 Greatest Commercials of the ’80s - "Whew. We were planning to throw together a quick compilation of our five favorite commercials from way back in the 1980s, but then we found more…and more…and more."

Plans for ABBA Museum Unveiled in Sweden - "An ABBA museum dedicated to the music, clothing and history of the legendary Swedish pop group and its four members will open in Stockholm in 2008, organizers said Tuesday."

The Worst Band Names Ever - "There are lots and lots of crappy band names out there. Here are some of our favorites." -- Come on! Some of these names are great!

The Hottest Alien Babes of Film and TV - "There’s nothing like a good sci-fi flick to really capture a guy’s attention. The spaceships…the laser guns…. the distant worlds full of adventure…and those saucy alien chicks in miniskirts whose morals seem looser than William Shatner’s toupee. But golly gee, there’s so much alien hotness to choose from. How do you decide which babe with green skin is worth your time? Well rest easy fellow space traveler, I’ve done the hard work for you. Allow me to present you with a list guaranteed to appeal to the Buck Rogers in all of us. ... My number one pick is a no-brainer. How can you go wrong with a science fiction movie in which the female lead spends the entire time walking around with no clothes on?"

Even the Dutch are tiring of smutty TV - "Despite a long tradition of television that pushes the boundaries of the acceptable in the Netherlands, Dutch viewers are being turned off by a wave of controversial programs." -- I haven't tired of smutty TV.

Santas face job risks being cheery, survey finds - "Saying "ho, ho, ho" is practically a Christmas miracle, given the job woes that shopping mall and store Santas face each day, according to a survey released on Monday. Santas get sneezed upon up to ten times a day, fend off children pulling their beards and mop up after children who frequently wet their laps, according to the survey of hundreds of men who work as seasonal Santa Claus characters."

Flatulence, not turbulence forces plane landing in Nashville - "Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning."

The write stuff: Hospitals resort to penmanship classes for doctors - "Long winked at as a harmless peccadillo, poor penmanship among health care providers is increasingly being diagnosed as a threat to patients. Now, some of them are being sent back to school in hopes of eliminating the illegible. Such chicken scratch can become a prescription for tragedy. Experts say up to 25 percent of medication errors may be related to illegible handwriting: A pharmacist misreads an illegible prescription, one drug is mixed up with another." -- Why aren't prescriptions printed off and then merely signed by the physician?

The Targets - November 27, 2006

Simpson interview could turn up on Web - "The O.J. Simpson project is dead, but the book and the TV interview could turn up in bootleg form in this age of YouTube and eBay, when scandalous information seldom stays secret for long."

The Real World: The Beginning of Drunken Denver Hook-ups and Mishaps - "We start off this season with a new group of seven strangers, but this year the location is Denver. Let’s hope the altitude keeps them drunker, sluttier, and all around more entertaining."

'AMC' Introducing Transgender Character - "In a story unusual even for a soap opera and believed to be a television first, ABC's "All My Children" this week will introduce a transgender character who is beginning to make the transition from a man into a woman."

BRITNEY'S REVEALING WEEKEND - "Britney Spears was totally out of control while partying with Paris Hilton this weekend and letting it ALL hang out — literally!" -- I bet her parents are proud of this shot.

PAM AND KID: R.I.P. - "Pamela Anderson's rep confirms to Star that Pamela and Kid Rock are splitting: "It's confirmed. Pam filed for divorce last week."" -- Aren't you devestated?

Bruce Lee to get own theme park in China - "A theme park with a statue and memorial hall will be built at Bruce Lee's southern Chinese ancestral home of Shunde, the president of his fan club said Monday."

Cosmetic surgery helps make 60s new middle age? - "Cosmetic surgery is altering not just how people look but how they feel by changing perceptions of middle age, a study showed Monday."

Researchers seek routes to happier life - "Every night, she was to think of three good things that happened that day and analyze why they occurred. That was supposed to increase her overall happiness. "I thought it was too simple to be effective," said Miller, 44, of Bethesda. Md. "I went to Harvard. I'm used to things being complicated." Miller was assigned the task as homework in a master's degree program. But as a chronic worrier, she knew she could use the kind of boost the exercise was supposed to deliver. She got it. "The quality of my dreams has changed, I never have trouble falling asleep and I do feel happier," she said."

Digital Music: Beyond 'Squirting' - "Have you squirted a song yet? That's the question Microsoft hopes your friends will ask you as you ponder which digital music player to acquire. After all, iPods don't squirt songs. And Microsoft's new player, Zune, does."

Study: Money-happiness link is complex - "Does money buy happiness? It's sometimes said that scientists have found no relationship between money and happiness, but that's a myth, says University of Illinois psychologist Ed Diener. The connection is complex, he says. But in fact, very rich people rate substantially higher in satisfaction with life than very poor people do, even within wealthy nations, he says. "There is overwhelming evidence that money buys happiness," said economist Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England. The main debate, he said, is how strong the effect is."

The 10 Best Teachers in Movie History - "How many of these memorable educators have you met?"

10 Movie Meals That Won't Make You Go 'Mmm' - " The message is that fast food is (in many ways) bad for you, but movies have a nasty habit of presenting meals that are far less than appetizing. Sumptuous repasts in films like "Big Night" and "Babette's Feast" seem to number far less than examples of food that makes the greasiest Slyder seem like prime rib. Don't believe us? OK, we'll prove it:"

Giving viewers something to chat about Lycos Cinema puts kibitzers on the small screen - "Some movie buffs can't resist talking back to the screen during their favorite films. That was the idea behind the cult-TV favorite "Mystery Science Theater 3000," and now the same concept has come to the Internet, thanks to the search portal operator Lycos Inc."

The Targets - October 28, 2006

The coolest horror movie killings ever - "But I know that when I say that this is a list of the coolest horror movie killings ever, I’m inviting argument. I don’t care. Argue away. Gore is subjective and personal, anyway. One person’s really poignant brain-eating cannibal moment is another person’s meaningfully vicious disembowelment or ax in the face, you know?" -- Not a bad list, bu where was Johnny Depp's death from A Nightmare on Elm Street?

Scariest Movies of All Time - "So you want to see something really scary? Check the locks, turn out the lights, fire up the DVD player and get ready for the bad dreams ahead."

Oh, the Horror! - "Everybody's gotta start somewhere... Check out a few pre-fame victims of Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers, Leatherface, the Leprechaun, and killer tomatoes."

Which horror movie character are you? -- Take the quiz to find out.

Vampires a Mathematical Impossibility, Scientist Says - "Efthimiou's debunking logic: On Jan 1, 1600, the human population was 536,870,911. If the first vampire came into existence that day and bit one person a month, there would have been two vampires by Feb. 1, 1600. A month later there would have been four, and so on. In just two-and-a-half years the original human population would all have become vampires with nobody left to feed on. If mortality rates were taken into consideration, the population would disappear much faster. Even an unrealistically high reproduction rate couldn't counteract this effect."

Very Short Stories - "We'll be brief: Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work. So we asked sci-fi, fantasy, and horror writers from the realms of books, TV, movies, and games to take a shot themselves." -- I really liked Margaret Atwood's, Vernon Vinge's, Bruce Sterling's, Richard Powers', Harry Harrison's, William Gibson's, and Steven Meretzky's (the last one).

Meat Loaf unleashes "Bat" for third flight - "Virgin Records releases "Bat Out of Hell III: The Monster Is Loose" on October 31, adding a new chapter to the biggest and best-known album serial in rock 'n' roll history. Its two predecessors -- 1977's "Bat Out of Hell" and 1993's "Bat Out of Hell II: Back Into Hell" -- have sold nearly 50 million copies combined, and Meat Loaf is well aware that the anticipation for the threequel is as much, if not more, about the "Bat" than it is about him."

Purple Haze: Battle Over Hendrix Songs - "An unidentified bidder spent $15 million to purchase guitar legend Jimi Hendrix's entire song catalog, but members of the rock star's family said Friday that the music, including classics like "Purple Haze" and "Voodoo Chile," still belongs to them."

Borat's Top 10 Tips for Sexytime - "I like you? I like sex! Here I make my tops 10 checkings list for Americans mens on sexytime."

Nicole Richie seeks medical help for thinness - "Socialite Nicole Richie, whose rail-thin appearance in recent photos has stoked tabloid speculation of an eating disorder, has checked into a treatment facility to address her inability to gain weight, her publicist said on Thursday."

Reality TV's Delusions and Dreams - "One of the most pleasant aspects of reality TV is witnessing delusional people in action — and "Top Model" certainly takes the prize in this regard."

28th Annual Mooning of Amtrak - "All Day Saturday, July 14, 2007, Laguna Niguel, (Orange County) California, U.S.A. ... THIS WEB SITE does not contain offensive or sexually suggestive material, and is not classified as "Adult". It is acknowledged however, that the "Mooning" of a public conveyance may be considered objectionable to some. The photos presented here are not "revealing" and are quite safe for all age groups to view."

NEW BEATLES ALBUM TO BE RELEASED - "The Beatles are releasing a new album next month (NOV06), which promises to be a "new experience" of the Fab Four's music."

Cult Film Evil Dead Comes Back to Life as Off-Broadway Musical - ""Blood will fly, limbs will be lost, demons will tell bad jokes. All of this, and singing and dancing!" boasts Evil Dead: The Musical, a new musical comedy based on the Sam Raimi cult film classics."

The Top 40 music moments in film history - "The only real criteria we set was this: The song couldn’t have been written specifically for the film or have made its debut on the film’s soundtrack. This was pretty rough on us at first, because it meant we had to say so long to Simple Minds’ “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” (“The Breakfast Club”), bid bye-bye to O.M.D.’s “If You Leave” (“Pretty in Pink”), and offer a fond farewell to Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work” (“She’s Having a Baby”). Fortunately, we had a lot of great songs – and movie moments – waiting in the wings. But be advised: our descriptions contain spoilers galore."

The Biggest Movie Mistakes -- Here are the top 15.

The NPR 100 - "The most important American musical works of the 20th century."

Top 10 All Time Pop Singalong Songs - "Whether its in the car listening to the radio, at a sports event, in a bar, or in the shower, one of the great things about pop music is it invites you to sing along. Some songs clearly are better than others for singing along, and it takes some time for a pop song to establish itself as a clear favorite. Read on for your guide's picks of the best of the best in singalong favorites." -- With the exception of a couple, the list pretty good.

Battle of The Album Covers

Pretty creative. Good album art choices, too.

The Targets - September 29, 2006

Extreme Measures - "Drastic thinness has become the beauty ideal – and it's having an alarming effect on girls everywhere."

'Super-Skinny Me' Documentary Aims to Expose Risks of Over-Dieting - "A British television station plans to screen a documentary featuring women who volunteer to slim to ultrathin sizes to expose the health dangers of excessive dieting, it said on Thursday."

The Ten Most Trustworthy Celebrities - "Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics, offers another evolutionary explanation. He claims that modern man--or at least, the brain of modern man-- hasn't adapted to, and thus can't fully comprehend, the concept of mass media. Instead, "our brain assumes that we are still living in the small hunter-gather bands we lived in more than 10,000 years ago," he says. "As a result, we assume any realistic images of human beings that we see repeatedly are real human beings. Our brain doesn't understand that these are actors playing roles on a drama or sitcoms, and we act as if they are trusted friends." Neuroscientists offer yet another rationale, commonly referred to as the "mere exposure effect": the more we're exposed to something or someone, the more we like and trust it. When a media mogul like Oprah Winfrey constantly assaults our senses, appearing everywhere from live television to Broadway to the silver screen, her image begins to wear a neurochemical groove on our brain. Over time, repeated exposure to Oprah's image triggers a sense of comfort and trust when we see it. The more we see Oprah, the more we like Oprah--which explains why she ranks fourth on the Celebrity Trust Index." -- Check out the list.

Paris Hilton And Nicole Richie Are Friends Again! - "Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are reportedly making the first movements to becoming friends once again." -- Now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Porn star's name may ring a 'Bell' - "He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom "Saved by the Bell." But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape. ... We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez." ... "Just when you think you have seen everything in this business," he tells us, "mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it.""

Screech squawks: An update, with a clarification - "The sex tape got out because Diamond and some buddies have a "monthly gathering" wherein they exchange such tapes (emphasis mine) which earn points based on "what [we're] able to accomplish" on the tapes: "We do it almost like poker. [The tape] could have been left out in anybody's home, machine, computer."" -- That's an interesting party game.

Madonna breaks earnings record - "The star, famous for constantly re-inventing her image, knocked singer Britney Spears from the top spot she had held since 2001." -- How did Madonna have to catch up to Britney? And who gives a crap?

'Survivor' ends segregation game - "All the hubbub about the "Survivor" ethnic experiment turned out to be pretty worthless. After only two episodes, producers merged the black, white, Asian and Latino tribes into two mixed-race gangs on the CBS reality show Thursday night. No explanation was given for the quick abandonment of segregation; it seemed to pass by so quickly as to mean nothing." -- Of course, they did get some free publicity with all the hubbub.

Outrage as US baby wig craze hits Britain - "Celebrity wigs designed for babies up to nine months old and are set to hit the market, to the outrage of children's charities."

'Lost Boys' Found: A&E Reunites The Coreys - "In the '80s, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman were the biggest stars in the land. They're not anymore, which is why they're now the stars of a new A&E reality series." -- Oh, this is needed.

The Sexiest Woman Alive - "Who is she? A mystery in six parts." -- Gotta guess?

10 Songs You Were Probably Conceived To - "As if picturing your folks having sex wasn't cringe-worthy enough, setting the scene to music borders on the sadistic. Here, we propose the parental playlist that wafted from the 8-track when skateboards had fat wheels, Homer Simpson had flowing brown hair and your folks were easing out of halter tops and bell-bottom jeans. Remember: If the master bedroom is rockin', for the love of God, DON'T COME KNOCKIN'! "

Sex film "Shortbus" steers clear of controversy - "It's got sex, lots of sex. In fact, the whole movie is about sex and, from the start, was conceived to test boundaries."

Free Movies, Documentaries, Cartoons, TV-Shows, Music & Comedy - "100% handpicked content chosen to inform, educate, shock and entertain you." -- Public domain movies.

IT’SUGAR - the first department store of candy - "IT’SUGAR is a brand new 6,000 square foot department store that recently opened in Atlantic City. Let me repeat - SIX THOUSAND SQUARE FEET OF CANDY. They have over 5,000 types of candy and 250 types of ice cream. They have a “Make-Your-Own Candy Bar” facility where you can even pick your own fillings and they have the largest selection of Jelly Belly jellybeans and M&Ms in the world."

DaysAgo Counts the Days For You - "DaysAgo is a little digital date counter that attaches to anything with its magnetic or suction backing, and tells you how long it's been since, well, whatever. Put it on those leftovers so you'll know how long they've been sitting in the refrigerator, or slap it on a plant pot to let you know when the last time you watered the poor thing. You can even stick one on your armpit so you'll know when was the last time you took a shower. Scratch that last one, your nose knows."

The Targets - September 26, 2006

George: I Won't Run for Office - "Although he's spoken at the U.N. and rubbed shoulders with senators, George Clooney on Monday downplayed suggestions that he might run for office himself."

'Croc Hunter' Widow: Footage Won't Air - ""Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin's widow says she hasn't seen the film of her husband's deadly encounter with a stingray and that it won't ever be shown on television."

No breakthrough TV series in season so far - "With such titles as "Vanished" and "Kidnapped," no wonder new hit shows have gone missing so far this season, particularly at Fox Broadcasting Co."

10 great dark comedies - "The difference between a comedy with dark humor and a true dark comedy can sometimes be nebulous. There are many comedies with bits of dark humor, but far fewer true dark comedies. When done right, the dark comedy is one of cinema’s most rewarding experiences. Here are the 10 best ever made."

Talking veggies stir controversy at NBC - "The conservative media-watchdog group issued a statement Wednesday blasting NBC, which airs "VeggieTales," for editing out some references to God from the children's animated show."

Guns N' Roses relights fire - ""I see fire!" said W. Axl Rose as he peered out at the masses filling the huge Hyundai Pavilion in San Bernardino. He'd spotted a small conflagration, somewhere past the loge area, which was soon extinguished. But Rose, the singer and proprietor of the concept called Guns N' Roses, might have been articulating his hopes for the band's first Southern California appearance in 14 years — a nervy homecoming that could have proved disastrous but, five songs in, was going all right."

The Killers: Sam's Town - "All over Sam's Town, the Killers leave no pompous arena cliche untweaked in their quest to rewrite Born to Run - even though one of the reasons Springsteen's a genius is that he's never tried to rewrite Born to Run himself."

Def Leppard Expands 'Hysteria' For 20th Anniversary - "To celebrate the 20th anniversary of its best-selling album, Def Leppard will reissue "Hysteria" as a two-CD package Oct. 24 via Bludgeon Riffola/Island/UME. Beyond a remastered edition of the original album, the new edition includes a bonus disc with a host of non-album tracks first issued during the period." -- Is this really needed? I mean, come on, it was not as good as their first three albums.

Meet the woman of your dreams - "When it comes to fantasy women, guys aren’t the most original. For generations, most men have imagined smokin’ hot bikini models in magazines drooling right back at us or a pretty masseuse who offers up backrubs 24/7. While most guys accept that these are unattainable fantasies, some are able to make them realities. We asked the latter group of lucky fellas if dating these dream lovers lived up to their great expectations. Read on to hear what it’s really and truly like to date one of these women."

Teens' T-Shirts Make Educators Squirm - "They're blatantly sexual, occasionally clever and often loaded with double meanings, forcing school administrators and other students to read provocations stripped across the chest, such as "yes, but not with u!," "Your Boyfriend Is a Good Kisser" and "two boys for every girl." Such T-shirts also are emblematic of the kind of sleazy-chic culture some teenagers now inhabit, in which status can be defined by images of sexual promiscuity that previous generations might have considered unhip."

Babies, I'm a lesbian - Miss Cleo - "The former infomercial psychic Miss Cleo has laid her cards on the table: She's a lesbian."

CAUGHT ON TAPE -- Fight Erupts Between Drivers at Toledo Speedway - "A dispute that erupted during a stock-car race after one driver's car went into the wall led to a wild fight in which the driver took a running leap through the plastic windshield of another car."

Wanna cut in line? Eat a live cockroach - "Why wait in line when you can just eat a cockroach? That's the question Six Flags Great America is asking thrill seekers during a Halloween-themed FrightFest. The amusement park is daring customers to eat a live Madagascar hissing cockroach in exchange for unlimited line-jumping privileges." -- No comment.

PETA to the rescue! Leaps to defense of ‘gentle’ cockroaches in Six Flags promotion - "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want all Six Flags theme parks, including the one in Massachusetts, to exterminate an upcoming cockroach-eating extravaganza. “Cockroaches have been given a bad (reputation) in our society,” said PETA spokeswoman Jackie Vergerio. “They are gentle, complex animals.”"

The Targets - September 14, 2006

Racial divide doesn’t change ‘Survivor’ - "In the end, the first episode of “Survivor: Cook Islands” was pretty much just another episode of “Survivor.”" -- So it's still a bunch of crap.

Katie Sets the Date - "Us has learned exclusively that after a 15-month engagement, the couple have finally set their wedding date. “It’s going to happen in the next three to six weeks,” a source close to the twosome tells Us." -- Whipdee freakin' do!

Tom Cruise gets his game on - "Tom Cruise's damage-control offensive is well underway, and just in time. Ratings released Thursday by a marketing firm indicate that his popularity has been in a free fall."

Whitney's prerogative: Leaving Bobby Brown - "The tumultuous marriage of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown -- which withstood drug addiction, Brown's numerous arrests, the decline of Houston's once-sparkling image and domestic abuse allegations -- is coming to an end." -- Where's the tissue?

YouTube, MySpace abuse copyright - "Universal Music Group, the world's largest record company, contends the wildly popular Web sites YouTube and MySpace are violating copyright laws by allowing users to post music videos and other content involving Universal artists."

Sudden fame amazes 'Lonelygirl15' star - "The actress who plays Bree on the hit Internet soap opera is Jessica Lee Rose, a 19-year-old who was born in Salisbury, Maryland, and moved to New Zealand when she was eight. Just three months ago, she was one of thousands of struggling actors in Los Angeles looking to make it big in the movies or on a TV show. Today, she is the unlikely star of a series of short Internet videos posted on Web sites such as YouTube and MySpace. Rose was identified after fans of the "Lonelygirl15" videos began to suspect that Bree, the 16-year-old home-schooled precocious teen hosting the segments, didn't exist."

Rosie's View: 'Radical Christians' Same as 9/11 Terrorists - ""And just one second," O'Donnell said. "Radical Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like America where we have a separation of church and state. We're a democracy here.""

trivialTV - "The only site with reverse lookup — choose a date and find out what aired on network TV that day. The most comprehensive guide for TV eps online. More TV awards for more shows than TV Guide, tv.com and imdb combined — select your fav show from the pull-down menu. Nielsen ratings for network shows from 1983 to present." -- Isn't just about all TV trivial?

Disgust at play showing Princess Diana in bed with Down's Syndrome men - "Theatregoers in the German capital Berlin walked out of a controversial play about Princess Diana that showed her in bed with two Down's Syndrome men while the Queen was portrayed by a circus dwarf."

Lawyer Says Smith Tried to Revive Son - "Anna Nicole Smith frantically tried to revive her stricken son and had to be sedated after he died, her attorney said Wednesday. Authorities termed the death "suspicious" and said criminal charges could be filed."

'Horton' shakes off the dust - "Jim Carrey and Steve Carell provide the primary voices for the big-screen adaptation of Horton Hears a Who!, which gets its first look here."

Original Supernova Win Suit - "The band formed from the TV show Rock Star: Supernova will have to find another name, a judge ruled." -- What? Nobody did their homework?

Dog Catching: Feds Lock Up Bounty Hunter - "Dog the Bounty Hunter's Duane "Dog" Chapman, who parlayed his career hunting down criminals who've violated the terms of their bail into reality TV stardom on A&E, was arrested Thursday in Honolulu, Jay Bieber, Deputy U.S. Marshal for the district of Hawaii, told E! Online. An arrest warrant was issued Wednesday."

The 50 Best High School Movies -- What do you think about the list?

Woman to get $2.75 million for Cowboys stadium land - "In the largest payout for residential property acquired for the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, the Arlington City Council has agreed to give a 72-year-old woman $2.75 million for her house and 4 acres."

Woman faces prison after setting boyfriend's penis on fire - "Andree Rene's weapon of choice was fondue fuel. Following an argument in April, 2001, the woman set her boyfriend's penis on fire as he slept."

Grieving wife sliced off willy - "A WIFE aged 65 chopped off her dead husband’s willy in hospital — so she could keep it in a pickling jar as a souvenir." -- I think I'm keeping my penis locked up for a few days. There might be something going around.

The Targets - September 6, 2006

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise Talk About Baby Suri - "Sarkin reports that Cruise and Holmes coo over the baby like any new parents. "She has Kate's lips and eyes," Tom says of the baby. "I think she looks like Kate." Holmes counters, "I think she has Tom's eyes. I think she looks like Tom."" -- Well, I am sure you all will sleep better now?

Couric Makes `CBS Evening News' Debut - " Katie Couric began her first night as anchor of the "CBS Evening News" on Tuesday by standing in front of a video board displaying a fast- moving rundown of stories ranging from the Taliban to Suri Cruise." -- Why should Suri Cruise make the evening news?

Snap Judgment: Katie Couric's CBS debut - "Okay, okay, so maybe I'm being a tad melodramatic about the fact that Katie Couric used 30 seconds of her maiden voyage on the Eye network to offer a sneak peek at Vanity Fair's cover shot of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' camera-shy baby ("Yes siree, she does exist!" the anchor exclaimed), but seriously, short of introducing a weekly best- and worst-dressed newsmakers segment, I can't think of a more obvious way that Couric and CBS could have driven home the depressing message that the line between serious news and infotainment is blurrier than ever before."

Couric’s debut solid, but should play it straight - "With so little time for news, skip the feature commentaries. Note to Katie: It’s called the “CBS Evening NEWS” for a reason. The evening news telecasts on the three major networks last for 30 minutes apiece, which means after commercials there is only about 22 minutes or so of actual news. Slip in the occasional light feature or human interest story, or a closing feel-good segment, and that’s a painfully small plate upon which to serve up the day’s important world and national news stories." -- That's one reason why I stopped watching television news: There's very little of actual news.

No State Funeral For Crocodile Hunter - ""Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin, killed in a freak stingray attack this week, would not have accepted a state funeral because he wanted to be remembered as "an ordinary bloke," the TV star's father said Wednesday."

Should Video of 'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin's Death Be Released? - "And so the question arises: In the age of instant Web videos, might it get out? And in the broader sense, is making footage of a death public ever justified? For its part, Discovery Communications, the network where Irwin became a star, said there was absolutely no truth to rumors that the footage, now in possession of police in Queensland, Australia, might be released."

All eyes now on Mel, Britney, TomKat... - "With little Suri Cruise gracing the cover of October's Vanity Fair, Hollywood gossip can turn to other matters this fall. USA TODAY asks three celebrity watchers to pick the stories to look out for this season. These five are among their top picks:" -- Oh, and these are important issues.

Dixie Chicks: Shut Up and Sing - "Barbara Kopple and Cecilia Peck have crafted an insightful and heartfelt look at the experiences of the Dixie Chicks over the last three years, chronicling the often bizarre consequences of singer Natalie Maines' anti-Bush wisecrack on a London stage. Maines' statement is captured in "Dixie Chicks: Shut Up and Sing," as are the meetings where they plot how to circumvent the core country audience and, eventually, how to reroute a tour and cancel shows due to poor ticket sales. It's the rare thorough documentary on a musical act whose dilemmas are faced in the here and now, one that should win over fans of the Chicks on the fence and of music docus and perhaps create a little cultural stir as well."

ABC's $30 million 9/11 giveaway - "Next week's ABC miniseries The Path to 9/11 will be brought to you by... no one. Variety reports that the docudrama, which was to have aired with limited commercial interrruption, will no air with no commercials at all. What's more, you'll also be able to download the whole show for free at iTunes.Why is ABC prepared to take a $30 million bath on this project? Was it unable to find advertisers who wanted images of their product linked with a movie about a horrific topic, with no happy ending? Or did advertisers shy away from the brewing controversy over the project's historical accuracy?"

Popstar Sting's fury as fishing hut 'blocks his view' - "When compared to his 17th century Wiltshire manor house, it is a tiny blot on the landscape. But for pop star Sting, this wooden fishing hut - which sits half a mile away from his home - has ruined the view from his bedroom window. Despite having 800 acres of beautiful countryside to enjoy, the former Police singer has now become embroiled in an extraordinary planning row to have the shack bulldozed."

Gwen Stefani Launches a Line of Dolls - "The singer and fashion designer is launching a line of limited-edition "Love. Angel. Music. Baby" dolls that will be dressed in the styles worn by Stefani and her Harajuku Girl dancers on her most recent tour, the Associated Press reports." -- I know you can't wait to shell out 25 bucks for each one!

Stephen Baldwin: Born Again - "Life experiences? Check. Crazy stories? Check. But Jesus?"

'Singin' in the Rain' named best musical ever - ""Singin' in the Rain" topped the American Film Institute's list of the "25 Greatest Movie Musicals," the movie preservation group said Sunday." -- Where's The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Screen siren Vivien Leigh tops British beauty poll - "Screen siren Vivien Leigh has topped a poll of the greatest British beauties of all time." -- Yes, they have a list of the top 10.

'Star Wars': The phantom DVDs - "So is there another explanation? There are a couple of possibilities: 1) Maybe the product stinks. ... 2) Maybe these are just stopgap discs, with yet another version (maybe one with a higher quality transfer) due in the next year or so."

Vt. Town Says No to Public Nudity Ban - "The town's Select Board decided Tuesday to take no action on an anti- nudity ordinance that was introduced in response to a clothing- optional movement launched by local teenagers this summer." -- Again, what's wrong with nudity?

1500 of Your Favorite '80's Videos -- Enjoy!

Sprint brings full-length movies to your phone - " The war against your eyesight is on." -- Come on, now. This is NOT what I want.

Newest Fair Food: Deep-Fried Coca-Cola - "There are fried Twinkies and even fried candy bars. Now, vendor Abel Gonzales Jr. has come up with a new artery-clogging concoction for the State Fair of Texas. It's fried Coke."

Design Concept: Cutting Board with Embedded Scale - "This design concept by Jess Griffin and Jim Termeer is a cutting board with an embedded scale in a circular area on its right half, telling you the exact weight of those ingredients you're about to place into your recipe or on your plate."

The Targets - September 5, 2006

Heavy hitters in lineup for Katie debut - "Couric will launch with a newly built set, new theme music from James Horner, an Academy Award-winning composer, and the weight of CBS News on her shoulders." -- And with or without Couric, the world will still turn.

Grrr! Don't Fool With Mother Nature - "I didn't know Mr. Irwin, but as so many of his family, friends and fans know, if Steve Irwin had to die at the young age of 44, this is probably how he'd have wanted to go. ... Mr. Irwin's death was recorded, and you can be sure you'll have an opportunity to see it — if not on television, then definitely on YouTube. Again, it's probably what Irwin would have wanted. Some people are fearless. Irwin was one of them."

Irwin pulled barb out of chest before death - ""He pulled it out and the next minute he's gone," he said. "The cameraman had to shut down. It's a very hard thing to watch because you're actually witnessing somebody die ... it's terrible," Stainton said. Police said it appeared Irwin was just watching the ray. "There is no evidence that Mr Irwin was intimidating or threatening the stingray," Queensland police spokesman Mike Keating told reporters."

CROCODILE HUNTER DEATH TO BE BROADCAST? - "The footage of late Australian naturalist STEVE IRWIN being killed by a stingray could be shown on TV."

How Did Rosie Do? - "Vieira's old role on The View – handling the latest headlines with a mix of commentary, dialogue and cute yet pertinent family detail–is pretty tricky. O'Donnell introduced the sad topic of Australian animal adventurer Steve Irwin, and started to discuss how she told her children about the loss of this man, a hero to them. But then somehow the talk momentarily veered into a discussion of Ben Affleck in his new movie, Hollywoodland. Meanwhile, the audience was still watching footage of Irwin struggling with a crocodile the size of a tractor trailer. This wasn't strictly O'Donnell's fault – Behar was the one who mentioned Affleck's movie – but she's the one holding the reins. Go ahead, Rosie. Crack the whip!"

Finally, Tom and Katie to show off baby Suri to the world - " The first pictures of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby daughter will be published tomorrow - four months after her birth." -- I know you all can't wait!

Buyer bites on Britney's half-eaten food - "Someone cares enough about the preggers pop star to pay more than $500 for her allegedly half-eaten egg salad sandwich." -- As my wife said: "I have no words for that." I'm thinking Stephen King was way ahead of his time when he wrote "The Long Walk."

The Business of Football - "This year the average NFL team is worth $898 million, 211 percent more than when Forbes began calculating team values eight years ago. Look at it this way: Football team values have increased 11 times more than the S&P 500 since 1998. Profitability? This year the average NFL team posted $30.8 million in operating income (earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization), versus $5.3 million in 1997."

NBC Sports boosts fantasy sports coverage - "The week the regular-season "Sunday Night Football" debuts, NBC Sports will transform its Web site to include more fantasy sports and in-depth football coverage with a new online editorial team."

USC Study: Celebrities Really Are More Narcissistic Than the General Public - "Celebrities have more narcissistic personality traits than the general population, and people with narcissistic tendencies seem to be attracted to the entertainment industry rather than the industry creating narcissists."

Fall's 75 Must-See Movies -- Not all of them are 'must-see'.

Samuel L Jackson Wants Some 'Snakes On Crack' - "Jackson enjoyed the experience of making the film so much that he is already thinking about the sequel that he wants to call ‘Snakes On Crack’."

Smart speeding sign flashes your license plate number - "The latest piece of kit to be tested out during roadworks is a radar-assisted speeding sign that not only flashes when it detects a speeding car, but also displays the license plate number of said car. Yeah, scary."

Xbox Live Vision camera reviewed, nudity imminent - "As well as functioning as a broadcasting platform for rookie streakers, the Vision is capable of mapping player's faces onto in-game characters and EyeToy-like gestural control: titles taking advantage of these features will hit the XBL Marketplace on September 19."

The Targets - September 4, 2006

1962 - 2006

'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin dead - "Steve Irwin, the enthusiastic "Crocodile Hunter" who enthralled audiences around the world with his wildlife adventures, died Monday morning after being stung by a stingray while shooting a TV program off Australia's north coast." -- R.I.P.

Actor Glenn Ford Dies - " Legendary actor Glenn Ford, who made his mark as a star of the Western film genre, has passed away. He was 90 years old." -- R.I.P.

Agassi Bids Tennis a Tearful Goodbye - "Collapsing in his courtside chair, the tearful 36-year-old looked up through his fingers to see 20,000 people standing and cheering for him in Arthur Ashe Stadium in a tribute that lasted a solid four minutes, the Associated Press reports." -- Thanks for the ride Andre.

Countdown to Katie Couric - "In just one day, the former "Today" host takes on the "CBS Evening News."" -- And I will not be watching!

'Survivor' Stirs Up Supremacists - "CBS's plan to racially segregate the tribes for the 13th season of "Survivor" has white-supremacist Web bulletin boards buzzing, prompting concern from the Southern Poverty Law Center civil rights group."

Paris Hilton targeted in CD prank - "Hundreds of Paris Hilton albums have been tampered with in the latest stunt by "guerrilla artist" Banksy. Banksy has replaced Hilton's CD with his own remixes and given them titles such as Why am I Famous?, What Have I Done? and What Am I For?"

Out with old, in with new as Cher sheds Gothic - "Fashion icon and award-winning singer and actress Cher is clearing her Malibu home of its Gothic contents and reshaping her life in a giant garage sale."

STOP IT, ROSIE - "O'Donnell, who joins the cast of the crazy, dysfunctional morning chat show tomorrow, got into trouble when she wrote on her Rosie.com Web site two weeks ago that she wishes she were the boss of "The View.""

Rock music boosts your brain power - "LONG suffering parents of adolescents might not agree, but scientists claim that listening to rock music can boost your brain power. Researchers at a Scottish university believe that the sound of guitar-based rock such as Jimi Hendrix, AC/DC and the Red Hot Chili Peppers improves concentration and boosts memory. Contrary to received wisdom, children who listen to loud rock or pop music while swotting for exams are probably improving their chances of success." -- Well, like, duh. I could have told them that.

Buckets of beer, game tickets used by hotels tapping 'mancations' - "Gene Grabarnick longed for a hotel with all the things a man would want on a getaway with friends.Where the concierge ushers guests to the hottest clubs. Where requests, from hand-rolled cigars to a favorite beer in the mini-bar, are unflinchingly filled. Where luxury is wrapped in sexy, swanky style. So, he built it. The Regent South Beach, the swanky hotel Grabarnick developed here and plans to open in October, is among businesses nationwide targeting guys vacationing - or as they like to say, "mancationing" - with their friends. They are offering everything from poker parties to hand-rolled cigars, buckets of beer to sports tickets, all in hopes of tapping a growing market." -- No freakin' comment.

Death Wish most copied film in history - ""It is as fresh as ever and people still talk about it in the street," Winner said of the 1974 cult movie starring Charles Bronson as a vigilante architect wreaking revenge on muggers for a murderous attack on his family."

Nike's Johnny Cash ad a "Hurt"-ful experience - "Instead of focusing on their glorious peaks, the ad captures the athletes during times of trials and tribulations -- those split-second instances when they overcome significant physical and/or mental barriers. Unfortunately, there are no plans to make the spot available to American audiences any time soon."

The Targets - September 3, 2006

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes' Baby Suri 'Poop' Bronzed - "The Capla Gallery insist the sculpture - which was also reportedly based on the popular children's book 'Everybody Poops' - has great depth and is actually a social comment on the culture of celebrity." -- I promised myself no "poop" jokes, but really, who gives a shit about this?

"Desperate" Sex Hits YouTube, ABC Freaks - "Having fans type "Desperate sex" into their Web browsers was apparently not the sort of grassroots marketing campaign ABC was hoping for to hype one of its top shows."

"The Wicker Man" unintentionally funny - "Unlikely to inspire a passionate following similar to the original, the film, which opened Friday without screened in advance for critics, ultimately induces more titters than dread." -- I really enjoyed the original.

'Not Yet Rated' Not Likely to Overhaul Film Ratings - "I'd like to say "This Film Is Not Yet Rated" is a quality hit job on the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), the panel of mostly anonymous people who decide a film's rating (G, PG, PG-13, R or NC-17). But it's not.:"

Feedback wins Who Wants to be a Superhero - "Software engineer Matthew Atherton beat out the last remaining contestant, Fat Momma, to win the inaugural edition of Sci-Fi's Who Wants To Be A Superhero. His alter-ego, Feedback, will now be featured in a Stan Lee comic, disrupting electronics while fighting for justice and fair play."

New Bond actor has 'Infamous' kiss with man - "No doubt there are plenty of on-screen kisses in store for Daniel Craig as the new James Bond. But none will be more talked about than the one that premiered at the Venice Film Festival." -- Because we have nothing else to talk about today?

Quint & Harry debate George Romero's concept for his next ZOMBIE movie, DIARY OF THE DEAD!!! - "This is the AOL IM conversation between Harry and Quint tonight, regarding George Romero’s upcoming independent zombie film, DIARY OF THE DEAD. Quint will be Blue… Harry will be Black… Enjoy." -- I'm not sure what to make of the new Romero idea.

JESSICA: THINKS SHE'S BOOTYLICIOUS? - "In two television appearances this week, Jessica Simpson took the opportunity to talk about — no not her rumored romance with John Mayer — but her butt."

MTV Awards Suffer Big Hit in Ratings - "The downward spiral of the MTV Video Music Awards' TV performance continued Thursday night as the ceremony's audience plunged from last year and VMA fans headed online."

Shields: Cruise gave 'heartfelt apology' - "The 41-year-old actress says Cruise apologized in person Thursday." -- Whip-dee-do!

Aniston settles suit over topless photos - "The 37-year-old actress sued Peter Brandt in December 2005, claiming he invaded her privacy by using a telephoto lens to photograph her inside her home when she was topless or partly dressed."

Rosie's New View - "After a four-year hiatus, O'Donnell returns as part of TV's most beloved coffee klatch. An exclusive talk about her career, her critics and the Star Jones mess." -- I know you have nothing else to think about right now.

VH1 launches Sizemore, Clay realities - "The U.S. cable channel VH1 is launching two reality series focused on celebrities in their 40s trying to make comebacks -- Andrew Dice Clay and Tom Sizemore." -- Just what the world needs!

Jittery CBS affiliates balk at "9/11" documentary - "Dozens of CBS television affiliates are balking at network plans to rebroadcast the acclaimed documentary "9/11" for fear that coarse language by firefighters in the film may incur stiff new fines for indecency."

Top directors in Venice slam Bush, Hollywood - "Top directors used the Venice Film Festival on Friday to excoriate the Bush administration, the war in Iraq and Hollywood itself, and presented three starkly different movies to express their views."

Want to dress like Hef? Playboy launches menswear - "Seeking to expand its lucrative licensing business, Playboy Enterprises Inc. has launched a line of menswear that represents a hip departure from the silk smoking jackets favored by its 80-year-old founder, Hugh Hefner."

Book Publishing Turns The Page, Thanks To Technology - " It used to require an army of middlemen to publish a book. ... Now technology is rewriting the book on publishing. A number of companies help writers publish books, either on paper or online."

Story, video: Apaches go public with Bigfoot sightings - "Footprints in the mud. Tufts of hair on a fence. Ear-piercing screeches in the night. These are only fragments of the stories now coming from the White Mountains in Eastern Arizona. For years the White Mountain Apache Nation has kept the secret within tribal boundaries. “We're not prone to easily talk to outsiders,” said spokeswoman Collette Altaha. “But there have been more sightings than ever before. It cannot be ignored any longer.” It is a creature the world knows as “Bigfoot”."

Solar-powered wheelchair (not as bad as you think) - "The rig consists of a pair of 20-watt solar panels that deliver the 24 volts required by the wheelchair, which, when not in use, can be detached or double as a handy umbrella."

The Targets - September 1, 2006

Thrill is gone at MTV Video Music Awards - "When a wooden politician delivers the best line of the MTV Music Video Awards, you know the thrill is gone."

Off-Camera at the VMAs: What You Didn't See - "At the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards, some of the most memorable moments happened off-camera. Here's some of what you didn't see:" -- I didn't want to see any of it.

VMAs: Who had the best performance? - "You don't have to tell me I've turned into a cranky old man -- last night's deeply dull MTV Video Music Awards was reminder enough."

NBC turns to Pink for football anthem - "NBC made the interesting choice of pop star Pink to create the network's anthem for Sunday night football. The song is called Waiting All Day for Sunday Night and it's described as "a re-worked version of Joan Jett's I Hate Myself for Loving You. It premieres before NFL football debuts on NBC on Sept. 10." -- Now, while I respect Pink more than say other current pop "artists", I have to question: was this really necessary?

How They Spent Their Summer Vacations... - "Summer's almost gone (sniff!), but here are a few stars -- Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey, and others -- who made the most of it." -- Because my life is so pathetic I want to know this?

Chicks row looms large for country music liberals - "Ever since the Dixie Chicks were boycotted by radio stations for insulting President George W. Bush in 2003, country music liberals have felt under siege but that doesn't mean there aren't any in Nashville. ... The difference is some shout louder than others, and those who might agree with the Dixie Chicks often keep quiet."

DVD releases memorialize September 11 anniversary - "With the fifth anniversary of the September 11 attacks approaching, several new DVDs touch upon the tragic events of that day."

Muslim Group Offended by Mercury Party - "A Muslim leader has criticized plans to honor late Queen frontman Freddie Mercury with a huge beach party this weekend."

'Star Trek': The original, CGI-ed for your... pleasure? - "I urge everyone to remain calm and remember, I am only the messenger: As rumored, the original 79 episodes of Star Trek — a sci fi Pentateuch for many — will return to syndication on Sept. 16. With... CGI revisions. EVERYBODY SIT DOWN, PLEASE. Thank you." -- WTF? This is similar to ruining classic b/w television shows and movies by colorizing them.

Stern: Uncut, Uncensored - "Sirius Satellite Radio announced Thursday that it would broadcast a Labor Day Weekend marathon of the shock jock's classic material culled from more than 23,000 hours and spanning two decades of his radio show."

iTunes Movie Store Details Emerge: $14.99 Per New Movie - "Some hard details regarding Apple's rumored iTunes Movie Store have crept out this morning, with word that Apple will be selling new release movies for $14.99 and back catalog movies for $9.99 perhaps as early as this month, according to reports. Of course, these movies would then be viewable on the iPod. But what use is a movie store if there's no movies?" -- I still do not want to watch a movie on my freakin' iPod!

Why film critics matter - "People always have to wring their hands over something, don’t they?"

Women spend two-and-a-half years on their hair - "She will spend the equivalent of just under two YEARS of her life washing, styling, cutting, colouring, crimping and straightening her locks in salons or at home."

Rap star plans performance - "Vanilla Ice is still sizzlin' - on the college circuit anyway."

FordLink Gives Pickup Truck Drivers Web Access, More - "You know wireless broadband is getting ubiquitous when even Ford pickup trucks are equipped with tablet PCs hooked up to the net."

Belt Lighter, Like a Cancer Inducing Batman Utility Belt - "Sometimes the simplest ideas end up being the most convenient. The buckle on this belt is actually a removable lighter."

Teacher Says You've Been Naughty - "Scores Las Vegas donated $2,500 to the struggling district after hosting a randy back-to-school event called "Detention" featuring strippers dressed — albeit briefly — as teachers, schoolgirls and librarians, who took it all off and performed lap dances for the cause, the Associated Press reports."

The Targets - August 30, 2006

Katie Couric's 'CBS Evening News' debut may include Bush interview - "Looking for ways to make a big splash with Katie Couric's debut as "CBS Evening News" anchor, CBS bosses are considering adding President Bush to the mix." -- The show loses credibility before it even airs.

CBS Magazine Slims Down Couric in Photo - "No, Katie Couric didn't suddenly lose 20 pounds. The incoming "CBS Evening News" anchor appears significantly thinner in a network promotional magazine photo thanks to digital airbrushing." -- Ditto and very pathetic.

TOO MUCH HYPE IS DANGEROUS - "WE discuss now Katie overkill. The hopped-up hype preceding The High Holy Day when she steps up to sit down in CBS' anchor chair may be a disservice. There's something inverse about the public or the media or the critics or the whatevers' need to knock down whoever rises that far up. Also, it's already turning some in-house stomachs."

Celebrity Duets: Premiere - "For a Simon Cowell production this wasn't a bad show to watch (and I am NOT a fan of either American Idol or America's Got Talent)."

Will Rosie Make 'The View' Weirder? - "The idea Barbara Walters had for "The View" a decade ago was a multigenerational panel of women hosting something akin to Regis Philbin's "Live" crossed with ABC News' "This Week." It was a great idea, and it worked for years. But lately "The View" seems to be adding "The Jerry Springer Show" to its mix."

Jessica Simpson's New Man: John Mayer - " "She's tiptoeing back into the dating world," a source tells PEOPLE. "It's the first stage. She's never been happier."" -- Gosh, now only if this was important.

Liv Tyler Caught Eating - "Yeah, I know that this photo of Liv Tyler is not very elegant, but I’d rather see pictures of celebrities who eat than pictures of starving skeletons like Nicole Richie."

Tabloid Fantasy League - "Use these tools to help you make good Tabloid Fantasy moves. Gather important celebrity gossip information, see who is so last issue, and use Celebrity Box Scores to make informed decisions." -- A sign of impending doom for the planet. Watch for the comet today.

What's Your Entertainment IQ? -- Why do people even take this quiz?

Baby talk: Are Kidman photos being doctored? - "Are photo agencies manipulating Nicole Kidman’s pictures to make her look pregnant?" -- And why should anyone care?

NANCY VS. MARIA ACCESS CATFIGHT - "The claws are out on the set of Access Hollywood, where an inside source says perky host Nancy O'Dell and sexy correspondent Maria Menounos are each going for the jugular."

Beware the Naked Toe-Tickler - "The naked toe-tickler who exposed himself to several women in Florida over the last five years may be back after a one-year hiatus."

Lured By the 'Rings' - "Fed-up DVD fans decry it as ''double dipping,'' ''triple dipping,'' and right on down the line to quintuple, sextuple and septuple dipping. What are they on about? The increasingly common habit movie companies have of releasing a bare-bones DVD of a film a few months after its theatrical debut, then revisiting it ad nauseam with special editions, extended editions, limited editions, alternate-version editions, and sometimes just plain re-released editions."

Bodies of Work - "The sexiest music-video cameos. Michael Slezak ranks the 10 hottest guest-star appearances of all time; is it Pamela Anderson, Wentworth Miller, or someone else at No. 1?" -- We love countdowns. Ok, I guess I'll agree with the #1.

Danceware for Worship - "Music ministries and music choirs love our praise and worship dancewear featuring angel sleeve dance dresses, turtleneck leotards and unitards and full length skirts for worship."

Universal Lets The Killers, U2 Go Free - " Of course, if it sounds too good to be perfect, it probably is. You'll be able to download music from artists ranging from U2 and The Killers to Eminem and Elton John and play the tunes on Microsoft Windows Media Player-compatible devices, but you can't burn the tracks onto CDs. (Which, in turn, prevents you from uploading said CDs into iTunes and playing them back on an iPod.)" -- Doomed to fail or iPod killer?

Hybrids Bound for Formula One - "Two big players who build such Formula One dream machines, N.Technology S.p.a. and Tatuus s.r.l., have teamed up to build the first hybrid formula car."

The Babykeeper: toilet training with visual aids - "We've seen our fair share of strange and / or gimmicky products around here, but the Babykeeper by Mommysentials has to be one of the creepiest. This contraption allows you to hang your six to eighteen month old infant on the door of a public toilet stall while you, um, do your business." -- Check out the pic.

The Targets - August 29, 2006

Countdown to Katie Couric - ""I think people want more hopeful stories," she says. "They realize the news is depressing and we can't sugarcoat what's going on because it's a scary time in our world. On the other hand, there are wonderful people doing great things, and sometimes we relegate that to the end of the show, and sometimes they're worth spotlighting a little more prominently."" -- Maybe this should have gone on The Fall of Humanity?

Jessica Simpson Loses Her Voice - "Jessica Simpson's new album, A Public Affair, dropped Tuesday – but her promotional efforts were silenced that same day when she had to cancel a scheduled Today show appearance due to laryngitis." -- Now if only it could never be found.

Paris Hilton Celebrity CD "Paris" Headed For Certain Obscurity - "It just goes to show.. just because you have the name doesn't mean you have the talent."

Buy a $1200 chandelier for Britney's baby! - "Britney Spears wants a $1,200 chandelier for her new baby’s room." -- Because that's necessary.

J.Lo Still Not Preggers - "Stay tuned for next month's inevitable Bumpwatch reports, be they true or false." -- I'm on pins and needles!

Tom Cruise, Needing Money, Goes Republican - "Both Snyder and Schar are very big Republican donors, active in the Virginia Republican party, and huge supporters of President Bush."

Restless Records to Release "Butchering The Beatles" - "On October 24, 2006 Restless Records will release "Butchering The Beatles" -- featuring the BIGGEST, the BADDEST, the HEAVIEST all-star line-up ever assembled to honor what is arguably the greatest band ever -- THE BEATLES. All-in-all, over 50 internationally known recording artists bring their unique bone-crushing slant to these remarkable songs."

Hollywood stars step out from behind the actor's mask - "Sometimes being a successful actor just isn't enough. Here are some other Hollywood actors who have stepped out to moonlight as musicians." -- Now they can be average at two professions!

Philips Pronto Pro TSU9600 mega remote at CEDIA? - "Supposedly the TSU-9600 will feature everything from a 3.7-inch VGA touchscreen display to IR and wireless extenders, a soft touch finish, and features improved IR learning, PC macro downloads, even voice recognition." -- The Megamote? Now playing with the remote control will be more fun than ... oh wait, it usually is. So why is this needed?

Harlequin Positioned To Satisfy Women Online - "“Harlequin is the brand in publishing that is trusted by women around the world to provide them with great entertainment,” said Donna Hayes, publisher and CEO of Harlequin Enterprises Limited. “We are uniquely positioned to serve their needs and offer entertainment in new digital formats. Put simply, a lot of women are already there, and those who aren’t trust us to help them navigate the evolving digital space.”"

How To Write the Ultimate Chick Flick - "Every weekend, millions of couples sit through Hollywood's most recent chick flick offerings and nearly half of them enjoy themselves. That's millions of dollars spent just to rent a seat for two hours. "I wish I could get a slice of that money pie," you're thinking. Now you can, using CRACKED's patented How To Write the Ultimate Chick Flick Guide. Culling our knowledge of every chick flick we've sat through—or at least the parts during which we didn't doze off—we've scientifically devised this list of elements that, when combined, will create a chick flick so oozing with estrogen it could make Charlton Heston lactate. Use them to help outline your screenplay and wait for the cash to start rolling in."

Robot draws happy face, gets angry - "We just came across this video of a very child-like Robonova that drops to its knees, wields a mean marker, and draws a crude happy face, and then scratches it out. Not the most useful of robots, but a good first step."

Candy Review: Lick Your Wounds Candy Scabs - "They don’t come out officially until September, but Cap Candy (Hasbro’s candy division) sent me some ahead of time to review. They aren’t exactly what I had imagined when I first found them, but they are still pretty gross."

Topless Kissing Booth Brings in the Bucks for Charity - "Topless kissing. Nude karaoke. T-shirt only relays. And all in the name of charity."

Green wave surges onto pop culture's shores - "Environmental causes championed by scientists and watchdog groups are reaching wider audiences as they gain prominence in popular mainstream media."

Refilling Dog Bowl: For Potty-Mouth Pets - "The Refilling Dog Bowl is a pretty good sight gag, and it actually has a practical purpose. Place a 2-liter bottle of water (or your pet's favorite beverage) in the tank and it will automatically keep that mini-loo full of fresh fluids." -- Because we want to encourage this behavior?

Grrr! If You're Not Part of the Solution... - "We all know people like this: the ones who do nothing to solve problems but are there to be heard. They'll yell and scream and generally cause people around them to waste time dealing with their destructive behavior, rather than solving whatever the issue is. You probably work with — or worse, for — someone like this."

Scale Weighs You In With Celebs: Hope You're Not Mr. Ed - "Weight is just a number, right? Not any more with the Celebrity Weighing Scale, eschewing numbers altogether and assigning you a celebrity that corresponds to your weight." -- Nice.