The Targets - December 5, 2006

Now that does not look like a user friendly vagina.

Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton & Britney Spears Pantyless Montage - "Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton actually all ended up together partying last week and even ended up smiling and seemingly having a good time together. Of course that would all later end - as Paris dissed Lindsay, Britney ditched Paris and then the two blondes made up while Lohan checked out an AA meeting. Ah - a week in the life of young Hollywood." -- I apologize for adding to this already over talked about topcic.

3 BIMBOS OF THE APOCALYPSE - "THEY have already been dubbed "The Brit Pack": three girls, increasingly famous for making spectacularly bad choices, marshaling their collective brain power to navigate the booths and banquettes at Hyde or Spider Club or wherever it is they're drinking it off on any given night. Paris Hilton, her frenemy Lindsay Lohan, and newly separated Britney Spears: three party girls without a care (babies? what babies?), a high tolerance for alcohol, or a good publicist."

Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan in Witches of Eastwick - "Viacom chairman, Sumner Redstone, is expected to announce early next week that Viacom subsidiary Paramount Pictures has signed Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan to star in a remake of the 1987 comedy-thriller The Witches of Eastwick." -- Can't wait for this shit? Oh, yes you can.

Britney Spears tops Yahoo's searches - "Bereft of any new music to promote, Britney Spears was nevertheless the hottest thing on the Internet this year, judging from Yahoo's annual list of popular search terms." -- Which means the comet needs to hurry up!

New flash: Anna Nicole Smith is a mess. Again. And pregnant. Again. - ""I might be pregnant again...Did that just come out?" Yes, Anna. It did." -- Why is she "important"?

The Gym of the Soul - "Stallone spoke of being reborn in a teleconference with pastors and religious leaders concerning the faith elements of the unlikely sixth movie that's due out Dec. 22."

TV Land Lists 100 Greatest Catchphrases - "The TV Land cable network has compiled a list of the 100 greatest catchphrases in TV, from the serious — Walter Cronkite's nightly signoff "And that's the way it is" — to the silly: "We are two wild and crazy guys!" The network will air a countdown special, "The 100 Greatest TV Quotes & Catch Phrases," over five days starting Dec. 11."

'Heavy Metal's All-Time Top 100 Vocalists' - "We tried our best not to turn this into some sort of popularity contest where only the most famous (or infamous) frontmen in metal lore were recognized."

Top 5 Undeserving Rock and Roll Hall of Famers - "That’s because, for as much of a heavy metal cornerstone that the band and singer Ozzy Osbourne have become over the last 35 years, Sabbath was, to put it as bluntly as their music, terrible." -- Check out the other 4 on the list.

The 50 Greatest Commercials of the ’80s - "Whew. We were planning to throw together a quick compilation of our five favorite commercials from way back in the 1980s, but then we found more…and more…and more."

Plans for ABBA Museum Unveiled in Sweden - "An ABBA museum dedicated to the music, clothing and history of the legendary Swedish pop group and its four members will open in Stockholm in 2008, organizers said Tuesday."

The Worst Band Names Ever - "There are lots and lots of crappy band names out there. Here are some of our favorites." -- Come on! Some of these names are great!

The Hottest Alien Babes of Film and TV - "There’s nothing like a good sci-fi flick to really capture a guy’s attention. The spaceships…the laser guns…. the distant worlds full of adventure…and those saucy alien chicks in miniskirts whose morals seem looser than William Shatner’s toupee. But golly gee, there’s so much alien hotness to choose from. How do you decide which babe with green skin is worth your time? Well rest easy fellow space traveler, I’ve done the hard work for you. Allow me to present you with a list guaranteed to appeal to the Buck Rogers in all of us. ... My number one pick is a no-brainer. How can you go wrong with a science fiction movie in which the female lead spends the entire time walking around with no clothes on?"

Even the Dutch are tiring of smutty TV - "Despite a long tradition of television that pushes the boundaries of the acceptable in the Netherlands, Dutch viewers are being turned off by a wave of controversial programs." -- I haven't tired of smutty TV.

Santas face job risks being cheery, survey finds - "Saying "ho, ho, ho" is practically a Christmas miracle, given the job woes that shopping mall and store Santas face each day, according to a survey released on Monday. Santas get sneezed upon up to ten times a day, fend off children pulling their beards and mop up after children who frequently wet their laps, according to the survey of hundreds of men who work as seasonal Santa Claus characters."

Flatulence, not turbulence forces plane landing in Nashville - "Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning."

The write stuff: Hospitals resort to penmanship classes for doctors - "Long winked at as a harmless peccadillo, poor penmanship among health care providers is increasingly being diagnosed as a threat to patients. Now, some of them are being sent back to school in hopes of eliminating the illegible. Such chicken scratch can become a prescription for tragedy. Experts say up to 25 percent of medication errors may be related to illegible handwriting: A pharmacist misreads an illegible prescription, one drug is mixed up with another." -- Why aren't prescriptions printed off and then merely signed by the physician?