The Targets - August 23, 2006

Paramount ends production deal with Cruise: WSJ - "Paramount Pictures is severing its 14-year-old ties to Tom Cruise's production company because of his off-screen behavior, the chairman of the studio's parent company said on Wednesday in an interview with the Wall Street Journal."

Crass clowns park pic pair - ""South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have set two live-action films at Paramount."

Pants Off Dance Off - "It's been called the dumbest show on TV by no less an authority than TV Guide -- and they know TV!" -- They're searching for dancers for season two. Really, where the hell is the comet?

Naked reality: 'Pants-Off Dance-Off' is a hit - "From that offhand remark came "Pants-Off Dance-Off," which has quickly become the Fuse network's most popular series ever. No more complicated than its title, the competition features people dancing in front of a screen playing their favorite music video, while slowly shedding clothes." -- It's a fucking train wreck!

'Survivor' Race Battle - "The new season divides the contestants into Asian, White, Black, and Hispanic teams. What on earth is CBS thinking?"

Madonna Thinks 'Mystical' Water Can Clean Radioactive Waste - "Madonna and her husband, filmmaker Guy Ritchie, both followers of the Jewish spiritual movement Kaballah, have lobbied the British government to use the magic, water-based liquid - which they say was successfully tested in a Russian lake, it was reported Sunday."

Great movie teachers? Class is in session - "The best movie teachers, class: ... Mr. Garrison, “South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut”: Mr. Hat notwithstanding, I would have retained far more from the third grade had my teacher insisted that we learn how to tell a prostitute from a police officer and reassured my young mind with such truths as: “There are no stupid answers, just stupid people.”"

Kevin Praises His Teen Choice Performance - ""I'm happy," says Federline, whose first album is due in October. "I think I pulled it off pretty well. (But) I'm overly critical of myself.""

Study: Fewer Gay Television Characters - "Nine gay characters are depicted in network-TV series scheduled for the 2006-07 season, a decrease from last year's 10, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation said Monday."

Motivator: Inspire! Motivate! Mock! - "Armed with a digital camera and that non-stop wit of yours, you now have the power to turn a simple photograph into an inspirational message that will burn forever in the hearts and minds of dozens. Print it, frame it! Make two -- we know you've got hundreds of digital images and photos to spare! But don't worry if you can't think of anything... remember, there's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to." -- Now here's to wasting time.