Countdown to Katie Couric - ""I think people want more hopeful stories," she says. "They realize the news is depressing and we can't sugarcoat what's going on because it's a scary time in our world. On the other hand, there are wonderful people doing great things, and sometimes we relegate that to the end of the show, and sometimes they're worth spotlighting a little more prominently."" -- Maybe this should have gone on The Fall of Humanity?
Jessica Simpson Loses Her Voice - "Jessica Simpson's new album, A Public Affair, dropped Tuesday – but her promotional efforts were silenced that same day when she had to cancel a scheduled Today show appearance due to laryngitis." -- Now if only it could never be found.
Paris Hilton Celebrity CD "Paris" Headed For Certain Obscurity - "It just goes to show.. just because you have the name doesn't mean you have the talent."
Buy a $1200 chandelier for Britney's baby! - "Britney Spears wants a $1,200 chandelier for her new baby’s room." -- Because that's necessary.
J.Lo Still Not Preggers - "Stay tuned for next month's inevitable Bumpwatch reports, be they true or false." -- I'm on pins and needles!
Tom Cruise, Needing Money, Goes Republican - "Both Snyder and Schar are very big Republican donors, active in the Virginia Republican party, and huge supporters of President Bush."
Restless Records to Release "Butchering The Beatles" - "On October 24, 2006 Restless Records will release "Butchering The Beatles" -- featuring the BIGGEST, the BADDEST, the HEAVIEST all-star line-up ever assembled to honor what is arguably the greatest band ever -- THE BEATLES. All-in-all, over 50 internationally known recording artists bring their unique bone-crushing slant to these remarkable songs."
Hollywood stars step out from behind the actor's mask - "Sometimes being a successful actor just isn't enough. Here are some other Hollywood actors who have stepped out to moonlight as musicians." -- Now they can be average at two professions!
Philips Pronto Pro TSU9600 mega remote at CEDIA? - "Supposedly the TSU-9600 will feature everything from a 3.7-inch VGA touchscreen display to IR and wireless extenders, a soft touch finish, and features improved IR learning, PC macro downloads, even voice recognition." -- The Megamote? Now playing with the remote control will be more fun than ... oh wait, it usually is. So why is this needed?
Harlequin Positioned To Satisfy Women Online - "“Harlequin is the brand in publishing that is trusted by women around the world to provide them with great entertainment,” said Donna Hayes, publisher and CEO of Harlequin Enterprises Limited. “We are uniquely positioned to serve their needs and offer entertainment in new digital formats. Put simply, a lot of women are already there, and those who aren’t trust us to help them navigate the evolving digital space.”"
How To Write the Ultimate Chick Flick - "Every weekend, millions of couples sit through Hollywood's most recent chick flick offerings and nearly half of them enjoy themselves. That's millions of dollars spent just to rent a seat for two hours. "I wish I could get a slice of that money pie," you're thinking. Now you can, using CRACKED's patented How To Write the Ultimate Chick Flick Guide. Culling our knowledge of every chick flick we've sat through—or at least the parts during which we didn't doze off—we've scientifically devised this list of elements that, when combined, will create a chick flick so oozing with estrogen it could make Charlton Heston lactate. Use them to help outline your screenplay and wait for the cash to start rolling in."
Robot draws happy face, gets angry - "We just came across this video of a very child-like Robonova that drops to its knees, wields a mean marker, and draws a crude happy face, and then scratches it out. Not the most useful of robots, but a good first step."
Candy Review: Lick Your Wounds Candy Scabs - "They don’t come out officially until September, but Cap Candy (Hasbro’s candy division) sent me some ahead of time to review. They aren’t exactly what I had imagined when I first found them, but they are still pretty gross."
Topless Kissing Booth Brings in the Bucks for Charity - "Topless kissing. Nude karaoke. T-shirt only relays. And all in the name of charity."
Green wave surges onto pop culture's shores - "Environmental causes championed by scientists and watchdog groups are reaching wider audiences as they gain prominence in popular mainstream media."
Refilling Dog Bowl: For Potty-Mouth Pets - "The Refilling Dog Bowl is a pretty good sight gag, and it actually has a practical purpose. Place a 2-liter bottle of water (or your pet's favorite beverage) in the tank and it will automatically keep that mini-loo full of fresh fluids." -- Because we want to encourage this behavior?
Grrr! If You're Not Part of the Solution... - "We all know people like this: the ones who do nothing to solve problems but are there to be heard. They'll yell and scream and generally cause people around them to waste time dealing with their destructive behavior, rather than solving whatever the issue is. You probably work with — or worse, for — someone like this."
Scale Weighs You In With Celebs: Hope You're Not Mr. Ed - "Weight is just a number, right? Not any more with the Celebrity Weighing Scale, eschewing numbers altogether and assigning you a celebrity that corresponds to your weight." -- Nice.
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